Parenting with an ex isn’t always easy. Most parents who use this parenting style after ending a romantic relationship already know that they need to do what’s in the best interests of the children. But the “how” not the “what” can remain a challenge regardless.
At the core of a post-split parenting arrangement, adults should treat each other with respect and avoid fights in front of the children. These four tips can help to inform a respectful communication plan.
Utilize a shared online calendar
Using a shared online can help both parents stay on the same page regarding schedules, appointments and events. This reduces the need for constant back-and-forth communication and minimizes misunderstandings about responsibilities and plans. It also provides a clear, accessible reference for both parents and can be updated in real time.
Practice parallel parenting in high-conflict situations
In high-conflict situations, direct communication can sometimes do more harm than good. Parallel parenting is a strategy where parents disengage from each other and communicate through written means only, such as email or a shared notebook. This method minimizes conflict and allows both parents to focus on the child’s needs rather than their disputes.
Use “I” statements to express concerns
When addressing sensitive issues, it’s easy for conversations to become confrontational. Using “I” statements can help express concerns without placing blame. For example, saying, “I feel concerned when our child is late to school” is less accusatory than, “You always make our child late.” These “I” statements may reduce the tension and make it easier to work out a solution to any particular issue.
Schedule regular co-parenting check-ins
Regular check-ins can help maintain a consistent and effective parenting relationship. These check-ins can be short, scheduled meetings where parents discuss their child’s progress, upcoming events and any concerns. Setting a specific time for these discussions can prevent issues from piling up and becoming overwhelming.
A parenting plan is the backbone of most post-split parenting relationships. Even if terms are adjusted and fine-tuned as a child gets older, both parents can often benefit from reviewing the communication guidelines that are set in a court order. Working with a legal professional who can assist with creating a custom parenting plan can benefit parents and children alike.
