Sharing custody requires careful planning. Parents have to work out a regular schedule. They also typically need to have arrangements that help them share legal authority. Parents need to have rules for communication with one another and systems in place to help them compromise when they disagree on important matters. Certain needs can create an increased risk of conflict between the parents.
For example, if the parents share custody of a young child, the child might rely on a security or comfort object. That dependence may intensify during or after divorce. Blankets, plush toys, specific articles of clothing and certain toys can be an important part of a child’s mental feeling of security and daily routine. How can parents address security or comfort objects in a parenting plan?
Duplicate them when possible
If a child is enamored with a sports jersey or a particular plush toy, it may be possible to have two of that particular item so that there is one at each parent’s home. Such arrangements are frequently the best option available as they take pressure off of the parents and ensure the child has access to what they need regardless of where they are on any given day.
Implement rules for irreplaceable items
Some comfort or security objects are not items that people can duplicate. It might be an item received as a gift from a loved one or a unique homemade creation. Even if it is a mass-produced item, the child may recognize replacements and reject them.
In such cases, parents typically need to have clear rules to ensure that they do not misplace the comfort object or fail to bring it to a custody exchange. Rules such as leaving the item in the car when at the store or visiting friends can help.
Including it on a checklist for custody exchanges can also be useful. The parents can each make a point of checking for the comfort object before leaving for a custody exchange and can take personal responsibility for handing the object off to the other parent.
Parents should avoid scenarios in which they put pressure on their children to track or account for their beloved comfort objects. It is on the adults to ensure that custody exchanges move forward amicably. Children should not have to have their own checklists unless they are teenagers capable of managing such things.
Parents may need to have a rule in place in cases where one of them forgets to bring a comfort object. The parent who made the mistake may have to go to retrieve the item and then bring it to the other parent and child at their current location.
Planning ahead of time for issues that are likely to cause conflict in a shared custody scenario is a smart move. Parents can diminish the likelihood of disputes arising and can make the adjustment to shared custody easier for the entire family by being proactive.
